Guiding principles

The charter says what Isaac’s Well is and how it is governed. These principles say how it should be run and used, and they guide every decision about what gets built. Where a feature would break one of them, the feature is not built.

1. Marriage is the aim

Isaac’s Well is for unmarried adults who hope to marry, and are ready to begin. It is not a place for casual dating, for friendship or for passing the time. Everything about it should point toward marriage in the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:39), and toward the honest, unhurried acquaintance that leads there.

2. Known and affirmed by their own church

In the early church, believers who traveled carried commendation from their church (Acts 18:27; Romans 16:1–2). Isaac’s Well asks for less than those letters gave, but asks it of everyone. No profile can be seen until the member’s elders have affirmed that they are a member in good standing and free to marry. This is the heart of Isaac’s Well, and it is what singles told us gives them hope. It is also what most sets Isaac’s Well apart from the dating sites many of them have given up on.

3. The church comes first

Isaac’s Well serves the local church and never competes with it. Elders affirm their own members, and are told nothing more except in the few cases the charter sets out: after both sides have been heard and a member’s account is paused or closed for misconduct, or after a possible serious crime has been reported to the authorities (charter 9.7, 9.8). A member who reports harm may also choose to have their own elders told (charter 9.9). Pastors are not made into matchmakers, and their load is not made heavier. A member stays under the care of their own elders, and Isaac’s Well never steps between them.

4. Honor for parents

Genesis 24 is a family story: the servant was sent by a father, and Rebekah’s family were part of the answer (Genesis 24:50–51). Many of our churches hold that a man should seek a father’s blessing before pursuing his daughter, and Isaac’s Well honors that conviction. A member may name a father, guardian or other counselor when joining, whom their elders confirm. The counselor accepts a short confidentiality undertaking, is told of each mutual interest and is copied on each introduction, and learns only the other member’s first name, church and profile summary, never their messages (charter 6.3). A woman may ask that any man write first to her father or the counselor she names, through the site.

5. Made in God’s image

“Man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). Every member bears God’s image, and Isaac’s Well will never treat people as goods to browse. There is no swiping and no endless scrolling. It does not rank people by their looks or by how popular they are. It does not use tricks to keep people coming back. Profiles lead with faith, character and hopes for marriage. Photographs come second.

6. Purity and modesty

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor” (1 Thessalonians 4:3–4). Photographs are modest. Conversation is above reproach. Members write nothing they would be ashamed to say to the other’s face. A first meeting in person is in a public place, with family or friends aware of it.

7. Interest is private until it is mutual

Singles told us they want to show interest without exposing themselves. A member’s interest in someone is private. No one is told who is interested in them until the interest is mutual. When both have said yes, Isaac’s Well introduces them privately, without showing phone numbers or email addresses. Then the man writes first. It is his part to make his intentions plain and to lead with care.

8. Privacy

Isaac’s Well asks for little, keeps it safe and never sells it. A pastor sees only his own members’ applications. Elders are never told whom their members are interested in. Profiles show no last name, town or contact details, and photographs are stripped of their location. When someone leaves, their profile and photographs are deleted. Messages they sent stay with those they wrote to, as letters do. Only this is kept: payment records, for [7] years; anything bearing on an open report or a matter given to the authorities, until it is closed; a brief record of anyone whose account was closed for misconduct, for [10] years; reports the member made, while the member reported remains a member; reports not borne out, for up to [12] months; and the record of their acceptance of the terms and of their consents. Backups are overwritten within a further [60] days (charter 9.10).

9. Honesty in everything

Members are truthful about themselves: their age, their church, whether they have never married, are widowed or are divorced, and whether they have children. Isaac’s Well is honest about itself too. It says plainly what an elder’s affirmation means and what it does not mean. It is honest about money, and it makes no promise it cannot keep.

10. Meeting in person

Most singles who were unsure about an online meeting place told us they would rather meet in person. So Isaac’s Well plans gatherings alongside the site from the start: at the General Assembly, in regions and online. Part of what it receives goes to help them. The site is a way to find one another. Marriages are built face to face.

11. Singleness is not a lesser state

Paul commends singleness for undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32–35), and our Lord himself was unmarried. One who leaves Isaac’s Well without marrying has not failed. Isaac’s Well speaks of singleness with the same honor Scripture does.

12. Small first, listening always

Isaac’s Well starts small, by hand where it can, and grows only as real use shows the need. It is shaped first by Scripture, then by what singles and pastors tell it, asked again every year. Surveys are counsel, not a vote, but we would rather ask than guess.

13. A means, under providence

Abraham’s servant prayed at the well before Rebekah came (Genesis 24:12–14). Isaac’s Well is a means, and God is sovereign over every meeting and every marriage (Proverbs 16:9). We will pray for it, work hard at it, and leave the outcome with him.

What Isaac’s Well will never do

• Sell or rent member data, or show advertising.
• Let anyone pay to be seen more, to rank higher or to see who is interested in them.
• Show a profile before the member’s elders have affirmed them.
• Tell a pastor whom his members are interested in.
• Tell elders anything about a member beyond the affirmation, except as charter 9.7 and 9.8 say, or tell a reporter’s own elders unless the reporter chooses (charter 9.9).
• Show a last name, town or contact details on a profile.
• Arrange, or ask anyone to take part in, a meeting between someone harmed and the person they reported.
• Use swiping, streaks or other devices built to keep people hooked.
• Open to churches beyond RBNet, FIRE and other churches that confess the 1689 without all three directors agreeing, after consulting the pastors of participating churches (charter 12.2).
• Drop the seats RBNet holds on the advisory board without all three directors agreeing, after consulting the pastors of participating churches (charter 7.8, 12.2).