Every answer, in full

Singles

mediocre people, disappointment

Something other than scrolling through profiles and clicking yes or no.

Mainstream online dating sites are full of people who say they're a Christian but don't have any of the values of a Christian. After having too many awkward conversations about why I don't want to have sex with them before marriage, it put a bad taste in my mouth about online dating. [A sentence about their own church removed.] That tells me that my husband-to-be may not live in my area. A tailored network of like-minded christians who have been recommended by their church would make Christian dating so much easier. I've almost given up hope. I really want this program to work so I can use a husband who I know has the same biblical values as me.

My experience was very good. I found that a lot of men who claimed to be believers had no problem with sex before marriage, and or stop responding to my messages. Also, there aren’t a lot of Reformed Christians on some of these sites

I've had no success or a possibility of something only for nothing to come forth or I didn't find a woman who held similar beliefs and goals.

None of these have yet been successful.

Scrolling through profiles is exhausting and feels gross, even when everything on the profiles is appropriate. It is a miserable experience to comb through profiles trying to determine if someone has potential enough to talk or meet. Then when it's a longer distance, basically having a relationship with a phone.

I hate what online dating does to me mentally. I have no desire to scroll through profiles on any other site.

Most people I met online were not serious about their faith. I have been on dates with 3 men who were serious, but they had lifestyles and life goals that didn't run in a similar direction as mine. It's also difficult to find men who can communicate well and who care for themselves and their space well? I don't want to be dating a 27 year old child who can't spell or use correct grammar :/

Pastors

I am not uninterested or unsupportive. [Family detail removed] and several others in my congregation who might be interested. However, [a detail about the writer removed]. There have been a lot of these initiatives that usually fade pretty quickly once the organizers get married or their children do. Why not start with a conference in the Network and then create a FB or Instagram group out of that. While I realize our kids are using apps, the universal feeling about them is negative in my congregaton. It contributes to the "pick me" culture and externals vs. character. On a strategic level I am very concerned about liability issues. Especially surrounding access to profiles etc. There are litigations with many of the major apps from disgruntled customers. How do you avoid abuse, what protections and age verification are you considering? Do you allow picture/video messaging (and the legal implications of this). What anti-harassment measures are put in place? Also more "meta" strategically, why is the Network putting its brand on this? Why not develop this separately? Who authorizes this? I truly believe this is scope creep. I can see supporting local churches putting on conferences but we don’t even have an app for the Network. Wouldn’t it be better to build out an App for the Network (say start with a GA [the RBNet General Assembly] app then add Singles and Regional Conference info etc.) and then add this functionality in? That would serve the entire ecosystem rather than one (rather temporary) aspect. How will this be funded? App development/store listings aren’t free. Traditional dating apps often struggle to keep people paying and engaged given the customer base is small and prefers to offload to other communications media.

I believe this is a good endeavor for a church or group to take on, but I do not think it is within the mission or scope to be an official RBNet project. I am skeptical as to its feasibility. Other groups, including FIRE [the Fellowship of Independent Reformed Evangelicals], have tried this in the past, and the interest has been small and idiosyncratic, and the effort eventually petered out. I think there are inherent dangers in being asked to make recommendations on individuals beyond confirming membership status.

This seems like mission creep for the network.

My preference would be that this not be hosted on RBNet's website. A link to it would be fine. Also, recommend having a legal disclaimer for anyone who uses it.

I am NOT in favor of this being a RBNet run ministry. It should be welcomed as a ministry of one of the local churches in the Network. My YES below is contingent on believing it has been set up properly.

Attempts like this have been made and failed. My concern is RBNet mission drift.

So, this is my second time filling it out and I changed my survey so throw out my first response. I think that Isaac’s well should not be officially associated with rbnet in any way but that rbnet should promote it to its member churches as a resource. The trouble with having pastors officially commend a member is that there can be so many nuances. [A note about his earlier answer removed.] I think it best practice would be that if a young lady or a young man started to become interested in somebody they can ask their Pastor to individually reach out to the pastor of the other Church. For example, some people about to join our church do not come from Reformed Baptist backgrounds [personal details removed] and are really just learning about the faith. In one sense I would commend them because they’re faithful members but at the same time there clearly could be some complications. I wouldn’t be scared off by any legal considerations. I think they can all be overcome. I do agree with some of the other men [in an earlier discussion] that encouraging as many in-person gatherings as possible is still ideal. Regarding your question as to whether or not pastors should have access to the directory I would say that another option is for pastors not to have access at all. I am not sure I would want or need to see anybody’s profile. If somebody in my church became interested in somebody there I would just call the pastor from that church to get the real deal.

I would encourage a disclaimer and keeping it a non-RBNet ministry. I think it's a great idea, but probably best to promote but not own by RBNet. (after all, we're baptists!!)

Pastors

I am not uninterested or unsupportive. [Family detail removed] and several others in my congregation who might be interested. However, [a detail about the writer removed]. There have been a lot of these initiatives that usually fade pretty quickly once the organizers get married or their children do. Why not start with a conference in the Network and then create a FB or Instagram group out of that. While I realize our kids are using apps, the universal feeling about them is negative in my congregaton. It contributes to the "pick me" culture and externals vs. character. On a strategic level I am very concerned about liability issues. Especially surrounding access to profiles etc. There are litigations with many of the major apps from disgruntled customers. How do you avoid abuse, what protections and age verification are you considering? Do you allow picture/video messaging (and the legal implications of this). What anti-harassment measures are put in place? Also more "meta" strategically, why is the Network putting its brand on this? Why not develop this separately? Who authorizes this? I truly believe this is scope creep. I can see supporting local churches putting on conferences but we don’t even have an app for the Network. Wouldn’t it be better to build out an App for the Network (say start with a GA [the RBNet General Assembly] app then add Singles and Regional Conference info etc.) and then add this functionality in? That would serve the entire ecosystem rather than one (rather temporary) aspect. How will this be funded? App development/store listings aren’t free. Traditional dating apps often struggle to keep people paying and engaged given the customer base is small and prefers to offload to other communications media.

The concern would be that this basically becomes another online dating platform and our young men would be very skeptical of online dating. A way to separate this from other platforms would be to also facilitate conferences/family conferences for singles to meet. Having yearly family conferences or conferences that bring singles together helps make connections that grow and progress over time. I would also want to encourage that this platform be international and not just within the U.S.

One concern is the possibility of creating conflict within the context of churches when one church wants to be more involved in the relationship than may be healthy. This could harm rather than help such a space to encourage singles to meet. Counsel would be that young people need the opportunity to interact with peers on location and while the internet has certainly provided its success stories, it seems much healthier to encourage such relationships in larger contexts.

There are many reasons women don't go to the women's part of RBNet GA [the RBNet General Assembly]. And then some do. There are many reasons pastors don't go to the RBNet GA [the RBNet General Assembly]. And then some do. There are many reasons young adults in RBNet churches are single--some are single due to lack of opportunity, others are single because of personal issues whether or not those issues are perceived. Other groups that have set up sites, to me, are too broad and overconfident. RBNet is different. I think you have the right people and a focused enough doctrine/ecclesiology to really help some people here. I support what you're trying to do. Maybe a directory and an annual meet and greet option (well facilitated, of course) at RBNet would be enough to help those who are situationally single to find the right situation. I think you're on the right track.

So, this is my second time filling it out and I changed my survey so throw out my first response. I think that Isaac’s well should not be officially associated with rbnet in any way but that rbnet should promote it to its member churches as a resource. The trouble with having pastors officially commend a member is that there can be so many nuances. [A note about his earlier answer removed.] I think it best practice would be that if a young lady or a young man started to become interested in somebody they can ask their Pastor to individually reach out to the pastor of the other Church. For example, some people about to join our church do not come from Reformed Baptist backgrounds [personal details removed] and are really just learning about the faith. In one sense I would commend them because they’re faithful members but at the same time there clearly could be some complications. I wouldn’t be scared off by any legal considerations. I think they can all be overcome. I do agree with some of the other men [in an earlier discussion] that encouraging as many in-person gatherings as possible is still ideal. Regarding your question as to whether or not pastors should have access to the directory I would say that another option is for pastors not to have access at all. I am not sure I would want or need to see anybody’s profile. If somebody in my church became interested in somebody there I would just call the pastor from that church to get the real deal.

Singles

There is an appeal to the shared confessional and theological convictions assumed by member churches as well as having our pastors involved in the process. The challenges of scattered geography don’t necessarily disappear with this approach and may prove to be a greater hurdle to overcome in reality, though it’s probably worth finding out. With that in mind, I wonder if this couldn’t be used primarily as a precursor to GA [the RBNet General Assembly] to better facilitate meet and greet of like minded singles there. How might we protect singles from an elevated view of a profile that does not manifest in reality? Not that brothers or sisters would lie on their profile, but that we would wisely and intentionally not lead with our sins or shortcomings, perhaps. I hope that would work itself out over time and in relationship, but see the potential for issues arising there. With that in mind, what sort of vetting would pastors do prior to approving the posting of a profile on Isaac’s Well? Would pastors communicate on potential matches? Should they? Lastly, if there’s any chance this sours relationships between pastors and/or churches in the network, potentially hindering the work of the gospel, perhaps pump the brakes and consider whether the suffering of singleness is worth comparing to the glory revealed in Christ and shepherd our brothers and sisters accordingly.

I would find it useful as a tool to find and connect with other singles in my area. While I might be open to a long distance relationship, I would prefer in person and just need a context in which to connect. I am concerned that the title of the site is not entirely biblical, since it was actually Rebekah's well, and Isaac was not present at all. I understand the reasoning behind the name, however, and don't want to argue over semantics.

Mixed (as opposed to Men’s) conferences often have clusters of people from the same church (or college) that don’t mix much. [One conference] was a bit different in that there was more communal interaction, through assigned small groups, volleyball teams, and general unscheduled time. [Personal story about other attendees removed.]

Singles

There is an appeal to the shared confessional and theological convictions assumed by member churches as well as having our pastors involved in the process. The challenges of scattered geography don’t necessarily disappear with this approach and may prove to be a greater hurdle to overcome in reality, though it’s probably worth finding out. With that in mind, I wonder if this couldn’t be used primarily as a precursor to GA [the RBNet General Assembly] to better facilitate meet and greet of like minded singles there. How might we protect singles from an elevated view of a profile that does not manifest in reality? Not that brothers or sisters would lie on their profile, but that we would wisely and intentionally not lead with our sins or shortcomings, perhaps. I hope that would work itself out over time and in relationship, but see the potential for issues arising there. With that in mind, what sort of vetting would pastors do prior to approving the posting of a profile on Isaac’s Well? Would pastors communicate on potential matches? Should they? Lastly, if there’s any chance this sours relationships between pastors and/or churches in the network, potentially hindering the work of the gospel, perhaps pump the brakes and consider whether the suffering of singleness is worth comparing to the glory revealed in Christ and shepherd our brothers and sisters accordingly.

Mainstream online dating sites are full of people who say they're a Christian but don't have any of the values of a Christian. After having too many awkward conversations about why I don't want to have sex with them before marriage, it put a bad taste in my mouth about online dating. [A sentence about their own church removed.] That tells me that my husband-to-be may not live in my area. A tailored network of like-minded christians who have been recommended by their church would make Christian dating so much easier. I've almost given up hope. I really want this program to work so I can use a husband who I know has the same biblical values as me.

A way to filter/directly connect to people local based on a defined radius (say, 2 hours away), as well as filter for those open to long-distance relationship (to start, which can lead to marriage and one or both parties moving).

Scrolling through profiles is exhausting and feels gross, even when everything on the profiles is appropriate. It is a miserable experience to comb through profiles trying to determine if someone has potential enough to talk or meet. Then when it's a longer distance, basically having a relationship with a phone.

I would find it useful as a tool to find and connect with other singles in my area. While I might be open to a long distance relationship, I would prefer in person and just need a context in which to connect. I am concerned that the title of the site is not entirely biblical, since it was actually Rebekah's well, and Isaac was not present at all. I understand the reasoning behind the name, however, and don't want to argue over semantics.

A way to reach like minded Christian’s who go through the pastors and are confirmed to be solid members with the intent to Marry. When there are not many options near by.

A program like this would be genuinely useful to me because it would give me the opportunity to meet people who I already know have the same values as me and are looking for marriage. My only concern is knowing that there would be matches from all states and long-distance dating can make it difficult to truly meet a person.

Pastors

I am not uninterested or unsupportive. [Family detail removed] and several others in my congregation who might be interested. However, [a detail about the writer removed]. There have been a lot of these initiatives that usually fade pretty quickly once the organizers get married or their children do. Why not start with a conference in the Network and then create a FB or Instagram group out of that. While I realize our kids are using apps, the universal feeling about them is negative in my congregaton. It contributes to the "pick me" culture and externals vs. character. On a strategic level I am very concerned about liability issues. Especially surrounding access to profiles etc. There are litigations with many of the major apps from disgruntled customers. How do you avoid abuse, what protections and age verification are you considering? Do you allow picture/video messaging (and the legal implications of this). What anti-harassment measures are put in place? Also more "meta" strategically, why is the Network putting its brand on this? Why not develop this separately? Who authorizes this? I truly believe this is scope creep. I can see supporting local churches putting on conferences but we don’t even have an app for the Network. Wouldn’t it be better to build out an App for the Network (say start with a GA [the RBNet General Assembly] app then add Singles and Regional Conference info etc.) and then add this functionality in? That would serve the entire ecosystem rather than one (rather temporary) aspect. How will this be funded? App development/store listings aren’t free. Traditional dating apps often struggle to keep people paying and engaged given the customer base is small and prefers to offload to other communications media.

Would this be available for pastors and elders? [Personal detail removed.]

The concern would be that this basically becomes another online dating platform and our young men would be very skeptical of online dating. A way to separate this from other platforms would be to also facilitate conferences/family conferences for singles to meet. Having yearly family conferences or conferences that bring singles together helps make connections that grow and progress over time. I would also want to encourage that this platform be international and not just within the U.S.

There are many reasons women don't go to the women's part of RBNet GA [the RBNet General Assembly]. And then some do. There are many reasons pastors don't go to the RBNet GA [the RBNet General Assembly]. And then some do. There are many reasons young adults in RBNet churches are single--some are single due to lack of opportunity, others are single because of personal issues whether or not those issues are perceived. Other groups that have set up sites, to me, are too broad and overconfident. RBNet is different. I think you have the right people and a focused enough doctrine/ecclesiology to really help some people here. I support what you're trying to do. Maybe a directory and an annual meet and greet option (well facilitated, of course) at RBNet would be enough to help those who are situationally single to find the right situation. I think you're on the right track.

I would love for this platform to encourage pastoral counsel in the selection and evaluation of applications by their own members.

In the section below, we could set a minimum and a maximum by the single What role do you believe elders should play? *(required) Confirm membership only - Minimum Written commendation - This could also be a minimum if we all decide this way, but this could be something a single could choose. Facilitate introductions - This could also be something a single could choose. Full visibility of the directory - This could also be something a single could choose, but with not full visibility of the directory, but if a single chooses, they could allow visibility of the folks that they are interested in.

Singles

Placing current occupation on profile can immediately turn some people off from getting to know another person better.

Pastors

I believe this is a great idea and long overdue.

I have NO concerns because I think this is an incredible idea.

There are many reasons women don't go to the women's part of RBNet GA [the RBNet General Assembly]. And then some do. There are many reasons pastors don't go to the RBNet GA [the RBNet General Assembly]. And then some do. There are many reasons young adults in RBNet churches are single--some are single due to lack of opportunity, others are single because of personal issues whether or not those issues are perceived. Other groups that have set up sites, to me, are too broad and overconfident. RBNet is different. I think you have the right people and a focused enough doctrine/ecclesiology to really help some people here. I support what you're trying to do. Maybe a directory and an annual meet and greet option (well facilitated, of course) at RBNet would be enough to help those who are situationally single to find the right situation. I think you're on the right track.

I would love for this platform to encourage pastoral counsel in the selection and evaluation of applications by their own members.

I would be concerned about the pastor's access, and legality of it. I also, would be concerned for a pastor who might be tempted to begin browsing for himself (if he was married). Overall, I think this is a tremendous idea if there is someone who can do it well.

I would encourage a disclaimer and keeping it a non-RBNet ministry. I think it's a great idea, but probably best to promote but not own by RBNet. (after all, we're baptists!!)

Singles

Mainstream online dating sites are full of people who say they're a Christian but don't have any of the values of a Christian. After having too many awkward conversations about why I don't want to have sex with them before marriage, it put a bad taste in my mouth about online dating. [A sentence about their own church removed.] That tells me that my husband-to-be may not live in my area. A tailored network of like-minded christians who have been recommended by their church would make Christian dating so much easier. I've almost given up hope. I really want this program to work so I can use a husband who I know has the same biblical values as me.

A relatively safe way for people to meet each other in the modern era I think would be very valuable as presented. I love the idea of elder involvement and getting for the platform.

A way to reach like minded Christian’s who go through the pastors and are confirmed to be solid members with the intent to Marry. When there are not many options near by.

A program like this would be genuinely useful to me because it would give me the opportunity to meet people who I already know have the same values as me and are looking for marriage. My only concern is knowing that there would be matches from all states and long-distance dating can make it difficult to truly meet a person.

I am concerned about internet privacy. Though I would be very willing to share my information on a trusted network, I would NEED assurances that neither trawling data bots not random strangers would have access to that information. I would like to see assurances that the women on the platform are not worldly feminists that happen to have Christian parents, which has been my experience so far, but I do not have any ideas about how you could accomplish that. If it helps put young people who share conviction in Christ and are genuinely interested in marriage in front of each other, I am all for it.

Being able to meet theologically like-minded marriage-ready people without having to scour the earth sounds incredibly useful.

Singles

There is an appeal to the shared confessional and theological convictions assumed by member churches as well as having our pastors involved in the process. The challenges of scattered geography don’t necessarily disappear with this approach and may prove to be a greater hurdle to overcome in reality, though it’s probably worth finding out. With that in mind, I wonder if this couldn’t be used primarily as a precursor to GA [the RBNet General Assembly] to better facilitate meet and greet of like minded singles there. How might we protect singles from an elevated view of a profile that does not manifest in reality? Not that brothers or sisters would lie on their profile, but that we would wisely and intentionally not lead with our sins or shortcomings, perhaps. I hope that would work itself out over time and in relationship, but see the potential for issues arising there. With that in mind, what sort of vetting would pastors do prior to approving the posting of a profile on Isaac’s Well? Would pastors communicate on potential matches? Should they? Lastly, if there’s any chance this sours relationships between pastors and/or churches in the network, potentially hindering the work of the gospel, perhaps pump the brakes and consider whether the suffering of singleness is worth comparing to the glory revealed in Christ and shepherd our brothers and sisters accordingly.

Having the descriptions provided by pastors (or other informed third parties, such as deacons), rather than self-descriptions. This would take the pride/false-humility issue out of the equation. Having the connections managed by the pastor/third-party, rather than the ability to see profiles directly. This reinforces that relationships don't happen in a vacuum. If singles can view profiles without a mediated connection, they could find members of their own church. That part isn't so much a problem as not finding someone, which leads to uncertainty whether he/she is "at the well," but outside filters; somewhere in the approval process; unaware it exists; or just not interested (which could have multiple reasons). I feel like the human mediation is the most valuable part of this idea. Without it, this becomes an RBNet-specific group that behaves like other sites. I'd also value a status tracking system. Minimum, it marks that you are in a relationship, if not hiding you while in it. This could have a duration. If there are mediators and singles both with access to profiles, I'd show the status/duration to the mediators only.

I am concerned about internet privacy. Though I would be very willing to share my information on a trusted network, I would NEED assurances that neither trawling data bots not random strangers would have access to that information. I would like to see assurances that the women on the platform are not worldly feminists that happen to have Christian parents, which has been my experience so far, but I do not have any ideas about how you could accomplish that. If it helps put young people who share conviction in Christ and are genuinely interested in marriage in front of each other, I am all for it.

I felt like I could've benefited from talking to someone who would've been intentionally looking to date. The friend I was introduced to wasn't looking to talk to anyone until they passed set milestones in their life.

Most people I met online were not serious about their faith. I have been on dates with 3 men who were serious, but they had lifestyles and life goals that didn't run in a similar direction as mine. It's also difficult to find men who can communicate well and who care for themselves and their space well? I don't want to be dating a 27 year old child who can't spell or use correct grammar :/

Pastors

I am not uninterested or unsupportive. [Family detail removed] and several others in my congregation who might be interested. However, [a detail about the writer removed]. There have been a lot of these initiatives that usually fade pretty quickly once the organizers get married or their children do. Why not start with a conference in the Network and then create a FB or Instagram group out of that. While I realize our kids are using apps, the universal feeling about them is negative in my congregaton. It contributes to the "pick me" culture and externals vs. character. On a strategic level I am very concerned about liability issues. Especially surrounding access to profiles etc. There are litigations with many of the major apps from disgruntled customers. How do you avoid abuse, what protections and age verification are you considering? Do you allow picture/video messaging (and the legal implications of this). What anti-harassment measures are put in place? Also more "meta" strategically, why is the Network putting its brand on this? Why not develop this separately? Who authorizes this? I truly believe this is scope creep. I can see supporting local churches putting on conferences but we don’t even have an app for the Network. Wouldn’t it be better to build out an App for the Network (say start with a GA [the RBNet General Assembly] app then add Singles and Regional Conference info etc.) and then add this functionality in? That would serve the entire ecosystem rather than one (rather temporary) aspect. How will this be funded? App development/store listings aren’t free. Traditional dating apps often struggle to keep people paying and engaged given the customer base is small and prefers to offload to other communications media.

My preference would be that this not be hosted on RBNet's website. A link to it would be fine. Also, recommend having a legal disclaimer for anyone who uses it.

Safety

I would be concerned about the pastor's access, and legality of it. I also, would be concerned for a pastor who might be tempted to begin browsing for himself (if he was married). Overall, I think this is a tremendous idea if there is someone who can do it well.

I would encourage a disclaimer and keeping it a non-RBNet ministry. I think it's a great idea, but probably best to promote but not own by RBNet. (after all, we're baptists!!)

Pastors

Some years ago there was 1689singles.com, which did not last long. How will Isaac's Well be different from 1689singles?

I am not uninterested or unsupportive. [Family detail removed] and several others in my congregation who might be interested. However, [a detail about the writer removed]. There have been a lot of these initiatives that usually fade pretty quickly once the organizers get married or their children do. Why not start with a conference in the Network and then create a FB or Instagram group out of that. While I realize our kids are using apps, the universal feeling about them is negative in my congregaton. It contributes to the "pick me" culture and externals vs. character. On a strategic level I am very concerned about liability issues. Especially surrounding access to profiles etc. There are litigations with many of the major apps from disgruntled customers. How do you avoid abuse, what protections and age verification are you considering? Do you allow picture/video messaging (and the legal implications of this). What anti-harassment measures are put in place? Also more "meta" strategically, why is the Network putting its brand on this? Why not develop this separately? Who authorizes this? I truly believe this is scope creep. I can see supporting local churches putting on conferences but we don’t even have an app for the Network. Wouldn’t it be better to build out an App for the Network (say start with a GA [the RBNet General Assembly] app then add Singles and Regional Conference info etc.) and then add this functionality in? That would serve the entire ecosystem rather than one (rather temporary) aspect. How will this be funded? App development/store listings aren’t free. Traditional dating apps often struggle to keep people paying and engaged given the customer base is small and prefers to offload to other communications media.

I believe this is a good endeavor for a church or group to take on, but I do not think it is within the mission or scope to be an official RBNet project. I am skeptical as to its feasibility. Other groups, including FIRE [the Fellowship of Independent Reformed Evangelicals], have tried this in the past, and the interest has been small and idiosyncratic, and the effort eventually petered out. I think there are inherent dangers in being asked to make recommendations on individuals beyond confirming membership status.

Attempts like this have been made and failed. My concern is RBNet mission drift.

Pastors

I go back and forth on whether I could facilitate introduction and/or have access to the directory or only give introductions.

I would be concerned about the pastor's access, and legality of it. I also, would be concerned for a pastor who might be tempted to begin browsing for himself (if he was married). Overall, I think this is a tremendous idea if there is someone who can do it well.

So, this is my second time filling it out and I changed my survey so throw out my first response. I think that Isaac’s well should not be officially associated with rbnet in any way but that rbnet should promote it to its member churches as a resource. The trouble with having pastors officially commend a member is that there can be so many nuances. [A note about his earlier answer removed.] I think it best practice would be that if a young lady or a young man started to become interested in somebody they can ask their Pastor to individually reach out to the pastor of the other Church. For example, some people about to join our church do not come from Reformed Baptist backgrounds [personal details removed] and are really just learning about the faith. In one sense I would commend them because they’re faithful members but at the same time there clearly could be some complications. I wouldn’t be scared off by any legal considerations. I think they can all be overcome. I do agree with some of the other men [in an earlier discussion] that encouraging as many in-person gatherings as possible is still ideal. Regarding your question as to whether or not pastors should have access to the directory I would say that another option is for pastors not to have access at all. I am not sure I would want or need to see anybody’s profile. If somebody in my church became interested in somebody there I would just call the pastor from that church to get the real deal.

In the section below, we could set a minimum and a maximum by the single What role do you believe elders should play? *(required) Confirm membership only - Minimum Written commendation - This could also be a minimum if we all decide this way, but this could be something a single could choose. Facilitate introductions - This could also be something a single could choose. Full visibility of the directory - This could also be something a single could choose, but with not full visibility of the directory, but if a single chooses, they could allow visibility of the folks that they are interested in.

Singles

Something other than scrolling through profiles and clicking yes or no.

While I want my pastors and church members help finding and approving of a spouse, that tends to mean managing their expectations as well as my own (here’s what you need), which can be challenging.

Having the descriptions provided by pastors (or other informed third parties, such as deacons), rather than self-descriptions. This would take the pride/false-humility issue out of the equation. Having the connections managed by the pastor/third-party, rather than the ability to see profiles directly. This reinforces that relationships don't happen in a vacuum. If singles can view profiles without a mediated connection, they could find members of their own church. That part isn't so much a problem as not finding someone, which leads to uncertainty whether he/she is "at the well," but outside filters; somewhere in the approval process; unaware it exists; or just not interested (which could have multiple reasons). I feel like the human mediation is the most valuable part of this idea. Without it, this becomes an RBNet-specific group that behaves like other sites. I'd also value a status tracking system. Minimum, it marks that you are in a relationship, if not hiding you while in it. This could have a duration. If there are mediators and singles both with access to profiles, I'd show the status/duration to the mediators only.

More a database to allow pastors to connect their members with other local church's members

Pastors

I think I'm happy to confirm membership - as long as folks know that membership doesn't mean that a brother or sister is necessarily mature or a wise partner for marriage.

I believe this is a good endeavor for a church or group to take on, but I do not think it is within the mission or scope to be an official RBNet project. I am skeptical as to its feasibility. Other groups, including FIRE [the Fellowship of Independent Reformed Evangelicals], have tried this in the past, and the interest has been small and idiosyncratic, and the effort eventually petered out. I think there are inherent dangers in being asked to make recommendations on individuals beyond confirming membership status.

So, this is my second time filling it out and I changed my survey so throw out my first response. I think that Isaac’s well should not be officially associated with rbnet in any way but that rbnet should promote it to its member churches as a resource. The trouble with having pastors officially commend a member is that there can be so many nuances. [A note about his earlier answer removed.] I think it best practice would be that if a young lady or a young man started to become interested in somebody they can ask their Pastor to individually reach out to the pastor of the other Church. For example, some people about to join our church do not come from Reformed Baptist backgrounds [personal details removed] and are really just learning about the faith. In one sense I would commend them because they’re faithful members but at the same time there clearly could be some complications. I wouldn’t be scared off by any legal considerations. I think they can all be overcome. I do agree with some of the other men [in an earlier discussion] that encouraging as many in-person gatherings as possible is still ideal. Regarding your question as to whether or not pastors should have access to the directory I would say that another option is for pastors not to have access at all. I am not sure I would want or need to see anybody’s profile. If somebody in my church became interested in somebody there I would just call the pastor from that church to get the real deal.

Singles

I feel that I currently have enough opportunities to meet people in the situation I am in.

I would only join if I had run out of other options.

I hate what online dating does to me mentally. I have no desire to scroll through profiles on any other site.

Singles

Only concern is making the hurdles too high to even generate a big enough sample size (too much pastor involvement/commendation for someone to be part-> leading to too few women)

That it actually has singles available and actively seeking as I am. No concerns.

Singles

There is an appeal to the shared confessional and theological convictions assumed by member churches as well as having our pastors involved in the process. The challenges of scattered geography don’t necessarily disappear with this approach and may prove to be a greater hurdle to overcome in reality, though it’s probably worth finding out. With that in mind, I wonder if this couldn’t be used primarily as a precursor to GA [the RBNet General Assembly] to better facilitate meet and greet of like minded singles there. How might we protect singles from an elevated view of a profile that does not manifest in reality? Not that brothers or sisters would lie on their profile, but that we would wisely and intentionally not lead with our sins or shortcomings, perhaps. I hope that would work itself out over time and in relationship, but see the potential for issues arising there. With that in mind, what sort of vetting would pastors do prior to approving the posting of a profile on Isaac’s Well? Would pastors communicate on potential matches? Should they? Lastly, if there’s any chance this sours relationships between pastors and/or churches in the network, potentially hindering the work of the gospel, perhaps pump the brakes and consider whether the suffering of singleness is worth comparing to the glory revealed in Christ and shepherd our brothers and sisters accordingly.

Pastors

One concern is the possibility of creating conflict within the context of churches when one church wants to be more involved in the relationship than may be healthy. This could harm rather than help such a space to encourage singles to meet. Counsel would be that young people need the opportunity to interact with peers on location and while the internet has certainly provided its success stories, it seems much healthier to encourage such relationships in larger contexts.

Singles

I am concerned about internet privacy. Though I would be very willing to share my information on a trusted network, I would NEED assurances that neither trawling data bots not random strangers would have access to that information. I would like to see assurances that the women on the platform are not worldly feminists that happen to have Christian parents, which has been my experience so far, but I do not have any ideas about how you could accomplish that. If it helps put young people who share conviction in Christ and are genuinely interested in marriage in front of each other, I am all for it.

Singles

I would find it useful as a tool to find and connect with other singles in my area. While I might be open to a long distance relationship, I would prefer in person and just need a context in which to connect. I am concerned that the title of the site is not entirely biblical, since it was actually Rebekah's well, and Isaac was not present at all. I understand the reasoning behind the name, however, and don't want to argue over semantics.